Something About Nothing

Somewhere in the world where English is spoken, a knock upon a couple’s front door announces a visitor.

“Who’s at the door, honey?” asked Mrs. Smith from the kitchen.

“It’s Nothing, dear,” said Mr. Smith.

“Nothing! It’s been so long—invite him in!”

Nothing stood on the porch looking nondescript. “I don’t want to be a bother,” he said softly.

“Not at all.” Mr. Smith stepped back to allow Nothing to enter. “Won’t you sit down?”

Nothing was on the sofa when Mrs. Smith entered, beaming. “Oh, let me look at you! How have you been? What have you been doing?”

Nothing moved as Mrs. Smith sat on the end of the sofa, and he answered, “About what you’d expect.”

“Ah, Nothing,” said Mr. Smith, sitting on the other end of the sofa, allowing Nothing between him and his wife. “That sounds like a life to be envied.”

“Well, there have been some changes.”

“Nothing changes,” Mrs. Smith said, amazed. “I wouldn’t have thought that anything would change you!”

“Anything didn’t,” said Nothing. “Something did.”

“Something changed you?” asked Mr. Smith.

“Yes. She’s really Something.”

“She’d have to be, to have such an effect on you,” said Mrs. Smith. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” said Nothing, “Everything is just fine. Everything’s Everything.”

“Well you must have a lot to do, what with your relationship and everything.”

“The relationship is fine, and Everything is under control.”

“Isn’t that something!” said Mr. Smith.

“I guess I’m insecure,” said Nothing. “You know how people say that Something is better than Nothing.”

“Now, now!” said Mrs. Smith. “You mustn’t pay attention to what other people say. There are some out there who would say that Anything is better than Nothing, but do you know what I say to them? They don’t know Nothing!”

“I agree,” said Mr. Smith. “They try to say that you can’t get Something for Nothing, but here you are proving them wrong!”

“Do you really think so?” said Nothing.

“I do,” said Mr. Smith. “You two might marry. You might even have a child—Anything could happen!”

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